4 Poems on the subject of Food. (Humour).

Sitophobia

It's something I have no experience of:
a morbid aversion to food,
although I don't pig it, my nose in the trough,
unless of course I'm in the mood,

I do enjoy eating, though not til I bust,
and my tastes are exceedingly wide
but so far I haven't succumbed to my lust;
my cravings I've mostly denied.

With chocolate, sadly, I've had to be strict
so as not to expand any more
and if given my head with ice cream, I predict
that I'd never get through my own door. 

I've kept within limits - I look ok nude -
although I could lose a few pounds,
but just think!  A morbid aversion to food
would be even worse than it sounds.

I don't want to be skinny, much less in my grave,
but that's how I'd end up you see.
No, I'll stay slightly plumpish, to food I'm a slave.
Sitophobia isn't for me.

© 2005

Addiction

Pity me, Oh! pity me,
for one who's sustenance I crave,
who always gave so bounteously,
has now become my enemy
and causes me such grief.

Where will I now find succour when
the one I need illtreats me so
and causes such vexation.

Why now this irritation?

How often have I turned to you
in times of need and sorrowing,
your friendly comfort borrowing.

That it should come to this!
Where now will I find bliss?

Oh, woe is me, alas, alack,
can no-one stop this cruel attack?
Pill and potion fails me when the
violence of it ails me and I
sneeze for all I'm worth.

Oh, chocolate, my love, my sweet,
your cruelty's beyond belief.
That I should have to suffer
such ferocity offends me much.
I fear our friendship's at an end.

Until I find relief.


© 2004

The Hai Phat Diet.

I belong to a physical fatness club,
that's right, you heard what I said.
It's a club for people of generous size
with generous hips and generous thighs
who enjoy their cakes and puddings and pies
while you eat salads instead.

I belong to a physical fatness club,
there's plenty of members you know.
We don't obsess about how we look
or counting calories when we cook.
It's not the cover that makes the book,
that's only an outward show.

I belong to a physical fatness club,
we really appreciate food.
There's nothing wrong with a double chin
and a bit of padding is not a sin
so if you'll excuse me I'll get stuck in -
I'm in sort of a gateau-y mood.

© Jan 2002

Low Fat Lament

Ice cream and chocolate,
fish and chips, and pies
fried bread and fried eggs
and fried onion  (sighs)

All the stuff I really like:
warm toast with butter
cheesecake with cream on
(mutter, mutter, mutter)

I'm meant to cut them out now
it's more than I can take!
I've got these blasted gall stones
what next for goodness' sake?

I don't smoke, I rarely drink
I don't use drugs for pleasure
and now it's fat-free everything
so how to enjoy my leisure?

Oh I know what you're thinking...
but I don't get much of that!
Still, at least there's one good thing
it's certainly low fat!

© 07/2002