Reading the Small Ads.

SMALL ADS

Have you got backache or bunions or pimples?
Have you got cellulite, bulges or dimples?
Perhaps you are jobless or car-less or friendless?
Look in the small-ads, the options are endless.

Do you need some-one to unblock your drains,
dig up your weeds or inter your remains?
If you need a loan or your house is infested
look in the small-ads, someone's interested.

If you can't get out and your hair-do needs doing,
call up the girl who does house-call shampooing;
don't give up hope if your future's in doubt
the small-ads have someone who'll sort it all out.

There's someone to call if you need home tuition
or your apple or pear trees won't come to fruition;
if damp is a problem or dry rot has struck,
if you want a cat or a dog or a duck

look in the paper, there's somebody breeding
anything, everything you may be needing.
While reading the small-ads, try playing games -
look out for unusual, int'resting names:

For Showers, call Sharon; Get sharper with Harper,
but watch out for shysters like Bodgit and Scarper,
And how can you be sure, if you want to learn German
that that's all you'll get from a fella named Herman?

Are French lessons french, or only a cover?
Is a massage a massage, or a bit of the other?
When I call up someone to polish my chrome
am I inviting a maniac home?

If I answer the advert "can you make a candle"
will I end up in a blue-movie scandal?
Now that the old inspiration is soaring
reading the small-ads will never be boring!