She Sits Among the Cabbages : A song of Old Ankh-Morpork

Cabbages and Leeks.


She  came to old Ankh-Morpork her fortune for to make
there wasn't much in Lancre so she said.
she wanted to be seen upon the silver screen,
but she had to find some other job instead.

Chorus:
Now she sits among the cabbages and leeks
fighting off the insects and birds with pointy beaks
She'd like to be back home away from all the freaks
but she sits among the cabbages and leeks.

She tried to be a dancer but she couldn't get it right,
and couldn't sing a single note in tune.
Modelling was out - she was really far too stout
and her face was like the arse on a baboon.

Chorus:
Now she sits among the cabbages and leeks
fighting off the insects and birds with pointy beaks
She'd like to be back home away from all the freaks
but she sits among the cabbages and leeks.

She thought perhaps a night job would suit her to the ground
but Mrs Palm has standards of her own.
The Seamstresses Guild was well and truly filled
and the Aunts said she'd be lowering the tone.

Chorus:
Now she sits among the cabbages and leeks
fighting off the insects and birds with pointy beaks
She'd like to be back home away from all the freaks
but she sits among the cabbages and leeks.

She had a go at catering but that was a mistake
and in Morpork that's a funny thing to say
but her goods made people frown, even Dibbler turned them down
and she couldn't give a single thing away.

Chorus:
Now she sits among the cabbages and leeks
fighting off the insects and birds with pointy beaks
She'd like to be back home away from all the freaks
but she sits among the cabbages and leeks.

She hoped in Ankh she'd find herself a better class of man
and thought she'd left the dwarves and trolls behind
Adding zombies to the mix really put her in a fix
for she had a sense of smell and wasn't blind.

Chorus:
Now she sits among the cabbages and leeks
fighting off the insects and birds with pointy beaks
She'd like to be back home away from all the freaks
but she sits among the cabbages and leeks.

So take warning all you women if you're looking to improve
the lot in life the gods have granted you.
There's plenty to to be said for the countryside instead
and especially if there's an indoor loo.

Chorus:
For she sits among the cabbages and leeks
fighting off the insects and birds with pointy beaks
She'd like to be back home away from all the freaks
but she sits among the cabbages and leeks.